Friday, September 19, 2008

Duck Farts, and other transposed vulgarities...

Duck Farts!

I'm really starting to get a complex about this whole dart league thing. Even I should be able to get a few wins now and again, but, somehow, I keep letting my team down...

I posted a rant here ( Some people can't find their ass with both hands and a map... I can't find triple 20's... ), so I won't repeat.

These People Rucking Fule!

I must say, I've made a bunch of new friends on Funny Or Die, and It's making me feel this weird emotion... I think it's called "Hap-Pi-Ness"... or something like that... So I'll be spending a lot of time over there, posting stuff. Check me out if you get bored/struck in the head by a ball peen hammer...

Yells Heah, Fothermucker!

There's a lot of awesome people and stuff on there (and me)... Here's a great post I found today... totally sounds like my normal day at work.. bipolarboy, yur my hero

You think you're confused?

Sholy Hit!

With that being said, I'm actually planning on making a video, and posting it up there for public scrutiny. I know... I'm out of mu mucking find... but hey... I need to fill the void of a departing Steve O. somehow... and crack costs too much.

Fhat The Wuck?

Speaking of Steve O., look at what his (and somewhat my) beer-addled cerebellum came up with...

"Why you don't piss off friends at the bar.", "Alchy-Engineering.".... or "Bar Survival Kit."... You decide...

- Kenny G.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Caution: This post requires a hardhat, hip-waders, and three hits of Ecstasy...

So, in an attempt (read: waste of oxygen & brain power) to prepare myself for the major changes in the/my near future, I'm trying to clear my mind of all the trivial thoughtlets cluttering me up. Here's a few:
  1. I never shared with my "audience" (snicker snicker, laugh laugh... weep) one of my favorite pieces of Webby-Goodness.... Here you go!
  2. It's official! (Actually, it was official Sept. 4th, but I never mentioned it.... I'm lazy) Mayor Kwam-Daddy is out, and doing "time"... mind you, it's only like a month or two... but at least his crooked ass is gone for a few years.... till the Fucktards in Detroit vote him back in... Dammit! Now my "Happy Dance" feels all unwarranted and stuff...
  3. In an older post, I said:"WTF is up with Big Brother 10??? How can there not be one truly likable person in the whole group??? I mean, other than Jerry, but he's really old, and you know there's no chance he's gonna win.".....
  4. ......And I was wrong..... F*ck Jerry's old antagonistic ass, Go Dan!!! Win one for the hometown!!!
  5. A long time ago, I started writing a book.... and then I stopped.... I suck....and I'm lazy.... 'nuff said
  6. How morbid is it that I'm kinda disappointed that the Large Hadron Collider didn't cause an "Earth-shattering", or at least a "Earth-shaking" kaboom? In addition, how sad is it that makes me smile?

I feel a little better now..... almost good enough to not long for Death's sweet embrace with desperation and anxiously open arms.... just regular open arms.... Damn I need to get laid... and a beer.... and a truck with reverse.... :-)

- Kenny G.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Gray clouds on the horizon, right next to the blue balls and red ballons...

... Yah, I know.. random "Lucky Charm's" references are kinda lame... but f*ck it... I'm in no mood.

It's one of those times when you know all you're getting right now is foreplay from the storm, and the real fan-shit-hitting experience is on deck. The type of foreboding gloom that makes you wet yourself profusely at inappropriate times, staining your favorite pants forever.

Here's a few quick hit outlooks on my, and in ways, all of our, impending doom:
  • Election '08: We can pray McCain brings back his old renegade ways and turns this nation around, or pray Obama truly is the second coming of Kennedy that will save us. We can fear McCain = 4 more years of Bush, and Obama = The untested student driver pulling onto the freeway. My guess --- We're hosed either way, so I may just vote for Yoda.

  • My Career: I may end up full-time very soon, pending a parting of ways with our marketing lady. Maybe. After all the shit I've seen here, it wouldn't surprise me to stay on bitch-hours, even if she's gone.

  • My Wallet: Even with full-time, my financial forecast is grim. Not as grim as the reaper guy, but damned close. Day by day, the combination of this job, my bad luck/lack of marketable skills, and my inability to seek out better employment, makes bankruptcy loom ever closer to being the only escape.

  • My Home-Skillet: With Steve O.'s inevitable departure to warmer climates, I may soon return to a realm I haven't known in quite a while --- the days of no best friend in my every day life. Sure, Baize (my other befri..) and I still talk, and we're still close, but there's a big difference between seeing each other all the time, and talking once a month on the phone.

  • My Self-Fulfilling Cluster Fuck of a Mentality: All these things have a tendency of stressing me out, which makes me worry. As I worry, I worry about worrying. This worry helps keep my morale low, helping to make me a more miserable SOB, which, in turn, helps make the situation worse, starting the whole process over, resulting in some fucked up Mobius Strip of self-loathing... you know... the kind the girl's just love to date. :-)

........ what? I'm supposed to be funny EVERY post?? Fine!


- Kenny G.