Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Day We Never Thought We'd Live To See....

Well my friends... The Day has finally come.

Through all the struggles... the let downs... all the hardships, justice and goodness have prevailed, and a new future awaits us.

I know, for many of us, myself included, there came those times when we wondered if we'd ever see this day... let alone in our lifetime... Hope and Faith were challenged to the point of nearly being destroyed... But in the end, they survived.

We now sit on the verge of a new beginning, and the future looks bright......

............. THE TRUCK HAS REVERSE!!!!!

Oh... and Good Luck President Obama.... you're gonna need it.

- Kenny G.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Spike TV, Philosophy, and a little Twang

So, last night, I was watching Spike TV, and a little show they have call "Manswers" came on...

It's a show that handles many of Man's Toughest Questions, IE: How durable are breast implants, does any species of animal engage in prostitution other than Humans... so on any so forth...

(Durable enough to withstand a microwave, and a 350LB man belly flopping on them, but not a bullet.... and Yes, chimpanzees... if you were curious....)

As a long time student of Philosophy, I love that show. (I took a 1 semester directed study in High school, and had to write 4, yes... 4... 500+ word papers in one night.... got a A on all of them... Yes... I used to write good an' stuff.)

Anyways... One of the topics Manswers answered last night was "What kind of music is most likely to make you want to kill yourself?".... They offered solutions of "Heavy Metal"... "Rap"... "Bagpipes".... But it turns out it's none of them....

It's Country!

Now, as a long time fan of Country Music (Garth Brooks is playing as I type this...), I started to take offense... even when they showed stats that the major metro areas with the most Country stations do, indeed, have the highest suicide rates...

I've always believed that Stonesour's "Bother" was the most "self-lynching inducing" song in the world... but, it's just my opinion...

After the segment, they went to commercial... and I flipped channels... The next channel on my dial is GAC... the Country music video channel... And the video that was playing was about NASCAR. (And as I have previously stated, the Daytona 500 is the third holiest day in my religion...) So, I started watching it.

...... And the song seemed unfamiliar to me.

..................... As did the artist singing it.

................................... And when I saw who it was.... I cringed... and wept.

........................................................... Kevin Costner is now a Country singer..........

And suddenly.... I knew Manswers was right..... as I now felt.... while watching what was being passed off as Country music.... A strong urge to grab the bat by my chair.... and beat myself until the pain stopped.....

It's official.... Kevin Costner wants me dead.... How else can you explain anyone letting that talentless Hack put out an album... No, not just one song.... an entire God-Forsaken album.....

I feel so cold now.....

- Kenny G.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Did you miss me... It's Kenny G. ... No, The OTHER Kenny G. ....

So... For a long while... I've been neglecting my most prized creation... this blog.

For something I spent so many hours formatting, designing side-bar items for, coming up with original content, it's sad that this blog has recently become nothing more than an easily accessible music player for me...

Has it been because I've spent too much time begging for Kudos on Funny or Die? Has it been the painful trek I've been on since the truck went to hell? Have I just run out of new ways to bitch about the same problems that continue to plague my life??

Who knows, who cares...

Point is, this was/is my first blog, and it deserves the place of honor of being my first place to post, and I've not been living up to that duty.

This is usually the place where I make some pledge to change my ways, and post a bunch more content to this blog... but let's get real...

My life is not that entertaining... I'm not that talented... and I'm too damned lazy to cut and paste crap I find interesting here on any sort of regular basis...

If I had readers bugging me by way of email when I don't post often enough... I might have the needed fire lit under my arse... but hey... Nobody reads this stuff anyways... right? :-)

Anyways... while I do have the needed motivation to post, let me throw some stuff (read: crap) on here:

1. If Odin shines his blessed mercy upon my pathetic soul, I will be -Re-Trucked by tonight, tomorrow morning at the latest... And with a little extra Grace, I'll remain Trucked for a while... When I do get it back, I'll not only post... I'll likely make a celebratory video to illicit a happy chuckle from all my contemporaries...

2. I'm throwing myself into a competition on a wing and a prayer... at islandreefjob.com ...
Check it out for yourself... I just really have myself convinced that, with my painfully single lifestyle, penchant for writing, and prior experience with being in the Great Barrier Reef, I'm at least a decent candidate for the job... once I get my video application made and in, I'll post links here... hoping to get my friends and family to vote me popular enough to get into the "short list" of candidates...

3. We all have a duty to do... please... thing of those less able than us:



Please... somebody think of the cockroaches!!!
- Kenny G.