Friday, October 24, 2008

HAHAHAHAHA HELLS YA!!!!!!!!

I freaking did it you guys!!!! I won an FOD cap contest....

I didn't even think it was my best one, but fuck it, I won one!!!

http://www.funnyordie.com/captions/995955?sort=rating

My winning cap:



"What's my name?! What's my name?! Now teach me how to spell it!"
.
Yay for me!
.
- Kenny G.

Friday Movie Night!!!

Just a few great clips I found this week... enjoy!!!


Massive Shopping Cart Fail by Two Morons - Watch more free videos

( I laughed till I sharted...)


Next up....

http://publicaddress.typepad.com/hello/files/sexylincoln.mov

(I swear, anything this woman does just cracks me up..)


And Finally...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


(That's my buddy Grizz at Funny or Die... Good Video...)

Have an awesome weekend, my minions, I mean friends, I mean pity bearers... yeah... pity bearers....

- Kenny G.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

.... The kinda place that makes you want to wash the soap...

So, yesterday, after work... I went to my normal hiding place: Bucks.

I sat with friends, shot the shit, drank a couple beers, and was getting ready to leave when one of our bartenders (who happened to be off duty at the time) asked if I wanted to go with her, Postal Dave, and the bar schizo, and watch her shoot pool.

I wasn't really in the mood to head to the bar she was supposed to shoot at, but hey, free beer is free beer. So I went..... To the Warrendale bar....

It's the kind of place that is a few blocks past the line that most sane, law abiding folks don't cross, unless they're just passing through to get somewhere better. The kind of place where you know most of the business transacted there has nothing to do with the bartender or booze. The kind of place where you visit the restroom, and think to yourself "I hope this water gets hot enough to wash the soap before I use it..."

That kinda place...

I wish I could tell you that my little nerdy suburban ass has never been to a bar like that... I wish I could... but I'd be lying... and that isn't the real me...


(Though, this is the character from my little video... cute, ain't he?)
No, that class of bar is somewhat familiar to me. Hell, that particular bar wasn't new for me.... It was a remnant of the days when "She" was in my life, and I was spending way too much time/money/dignity on her "Weed" habit...
I wish I could say a fight broke out, I smacked the Jukebox and Bodies came on. I wish I could tell you I went all Matrix bad ass on a bunch of thugs... I wish I could, but I'd be lying....
Nothing happened... at all...
Though, our pool shooting bartender friend girl type person did freak out a bit... You see, she's a sheltered little lamb... and when she accidentally brushed a girl's coat catching the pack of smokes that had been tossed to her, she got a dirty look, and swore she was about to get her ass kicked.... It was really funny to watch her squirm...
I know... I'm terrible....
Needless to say, after she found out she wasn't shooting pool this time, and after the rest of us became tired of watching "Closed Circuit Security Camera T.V.'s" hit show "The Parking Lot"... we left. No fan fare. No fights, no muggings. Just a drive back to Bucks.
I know... Anti-Climactic again.... just like my sex life... Sorry.
- Kenny G.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

MY BOSS IS GOING TO MAKE ME GO BACK TO CRACK!!!

How the F*CK do you run a business with the attention span and short term memory of a ADD ridden goldfish!!!!
Once again, we have a late payment notice on something.... and He has no idea why...
Lemme tell y'all what I see as the problem:
A) It is my job to put these things on the books.
B) I work at the office, and solely at the office.
C) All this hippy-dippy-flippin horse shit GETS MAILED TO HIS FREAKING HOUSE!!!!
*Inhale*...... *Exhale*....
Better now... sort of.....
If you want to make sure I get all these bills booked and payed on time... doesn't it make sense to ensure I actually see the little bastards...

Argh.... where's my pipe?!?!?

- Kenny G.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Sidenote: The Life of a Fifth Wheel.

I've never liked the phrase "Being a Third Wheel." It's always bothered me, the image of a third wheel being viewed so poorly. The third wheel is often as important, if not more so, as the other two...

Watch a child, young, unsure, as they begin their mobility on a simple tricycle. Would you dare call any of those three wheels unnecessary, unneeded? Or do they help to ready this young life for more intricate and complicated means of transportation later in life?

See an animal, marred by injury, that only stands upon three limbs... do you call that third leg meaningless, a burden? Or do you see that animal as fortunate to still have three of it's appendages, being limited, but still strong and able?

For the aged and infirm, do you view their cane as a nuisance, a badge of dishonor? Or does that simple mechanism serve as their new-found chance at life, the pillar by which their once strong legs may now once again take them out into the world, rather than life bound by their physical limitations?

No, so often, the "Third Wheel" is more a "life-safer" than "deal-breaker"... As the tripod allows an artist to capture their target with confidence, that third wheel brings strength and stability to that which it is attached...

But, a "Fifth Wheel"... that is the one which must shoulder the mantle of mediocrity.

For a simple automobile, you see only the four tires, the ones propelling it forward to it's destination. And hidden, within the trunk or the undercarriage, sits the "Fifth Wheel", the one that serves no purpose until one of those four fails. Then, for a short while, the Fifth finds meaning.

It is never as strong, or as beautiful as the others, nor is it meant to last for too long... it is but a means to survive until the broken one is renewed, or a new wheel arrives to take it's place...

Then, the Fifth returns to it's quiet hovel, to wait for another chance to be needed.

Fifth wheels take many shapes: The lone single man in a group of couples; the young, untested newcomer to a group of older, wiser minds; the support player, resting on the bench for the team.

The Fifth knows that theirs is not the life of glamor or glory, but of quiet obscurity, and endless patience. A true Fifth Wheel knows their role, and waits for that fleeting moment of stardom, knowing that it will never last long enough to fulfill.

So, know this, First, Second, Third And Fourth Wheels: yours is the honor. Your faithful Fifth will always be there, waiting for your call to action, ready to hold the moment, until you return to your rightful place in the front.

Never spiteful, never jealous, and never satisfied, but ready none the less, the Fifth awaits....

--- A piece by Kenny G.