Making up for lost Brain Cells....

OK... So I haven't posted much of crap all months... sue me...

It's been kind of hard to accomplish anything, what with the fucking Laugh Riot of a Bullshit Cluster-Fuck this truck has become...

For those who don't know.... The truck went DOA over 3 weeks ago.... and It was recently towed to a shop for repairs.... Repairs I CAN'T AFFORD!!!!..... So, I had to go deeper into debt with my boss... oh hurray, hu-fucking-ray....

So... truck spends a good week at said shop.... which already knows, as I told them... the trans is crap... It's probably the reason the fucker won't start...

Nope... Fuel Pump assembly...

WTF???

Steve can attest to the fact that the pump was, indeed, coming on.... before it got towed away....

Nope... Fuel Pump Assembly...

OK... Fine... replace the fucking assembly... so the fucker starts and runs (not runs good... just fucking runs....)

Timeline of this week:

Monday: "Hey Ken!.... Truck's done..."
" Cool... I'll come get it tomorrow..."

Tuesday: "FUCKING SNOW!!! I'll have to come get it tomorrow...."

Wednesday:.... "What the fuck do you mean 'Lost my keys?'..... WTF!!!!"
"We'll get your keys back... and deliver the truck later today"

(You see... they "accidentally" gave my keys to some other customer... who shoved them in his pocket, and used his wife's keys to drive his truck home.... My head hurts now)

And... I got to have the "most pleasant and safest driver in the world" drive me home (bar) from the shop... while the work on getting my keys back.... I swear, this crabby ass woman was doing 85 down I96, in pouring rain.... when you couldn't even see the car in front of you.... which was less than 15 feet..... Now my head hurts, and I need new underwear....

Still Wednesday: .... 1 1/2 hours later.... "So.. where's my truck?"
" Just got your keys, we're on our way...."

Still FUCKING WEDNESDAY!!!...: 45 minutes later... "What do you mean it won't drive... you just said you drove it Monday and it was OK!??!!??"
"We'll just let it warm up... dry out... and we'll try it Friday... Sorry Ken...."

Thursday: Christmas.... Nothing... Slept damn near all day....

Friday: ............ ?????........ we're still waiting.....

Can I take this here life, and trade it for what's behind door #2??

Behind door #2 is a Pocket Fisherman???

A broken Pocket Fisherman???

Deal!

- Kenny G.

The Time Has Come... Can someone pass me a towel?

Hell has frozen over........ The Lions are winning the Super Bowl...... And I am quitting smoking...

Before you all get your laughs on... and Thor knows, being MY friends, you're already laughing... I'm serious.

Smoking has become nothing more than a "seat filler" in my life: A "warm body" to fill the gap in my soul... in me.... NO MORE I SAY!!!

I throw my lighter in the sad, and declare myself a Quitter!!!!

...... right after I bum one from... shit... no one's around!!!!

AHHH!!!!!

This.... may be a little tougher than first envisioned...

- Kenny G.

Stupidity: Now in an econo-sized 48-pack!

Is it a full frigging moon tonight??? Did an asylum just burn down??? Where did this huge stock of "Fucking Stupid" come from, and who the bloody hell ordered a dump-truck full to be delivered right to my desk?


If I catch 'em... rectal boot-prints galore shall ensue...


Between Vendors, Partners, and Clients, there has been such a cluster-fuck of mental ineptitude, today, I can't even get the whole picture in frame... It would have to be a panorama of perplexing pea-brainitude... and I don't have that kinda camera!!!


Suffice to say... I'll just sum it up with this...


I need less of this....






And more of this....





AAARRGGHHH!!!


- Kenny G.

I'm not a Fork!!!

So... I'm sitting here, trying to rebuild my play list from Hypster... Dreading the impending "Team Meeting" to come at 10:30... ish... And I'm wondering...

"How high was the creator of Spongebob when he did so?"

I mean, sure... It's a big hit with children... and everybody knows by now who "lives in a pineapple, under the sea..."... But, the whole freakish concept, is well... freakish!!

It's a talking sponge for Odin's sake!!! You had to be tripping some major league balls to come up with that... Not that it's so horribly different from a talking rabbit being chased by a hunter with a speech impediment... but it's freaky!!

I should make a cartoon about a banana that knows Kung-Fu, and lives in Minneapolis. His best friend can be a can of condensed chicken noodle soup that writes crossword puzzles... I'd be a millionaire!

OK... I guess, by now, you all wanna know why I'm on such a rant about this... And I'll tell you...

It's because I'm happy right now!!! OK...

I don't want to rant about my own life, because I feel good right now. Sure, there's plenty that's still all screwed up, but it's starting to feel like I'll make it through...

My huge mistake, the one that I thought cost me a dear and close friend... Maybe it wasn't so bad, as he and I have talked, and things seem to be, getting back to OK....

And then, of course... There's Her... She knows who she is... And how bright a ray of light she's become in my life... Perhaps, someday, when I'm not here at work, and I can truly describe her in all the beautiful detail that she deserves, I'll "introduce" you to her... but for now, my lips are sealed :-)

So, that's it... No bitching about money, work, or people... No crying for what I don't have... Just me, here alive, and for once... well.

And this...



- Kenny G.

A new era of thought.

It's official... I can't run and hide any more. My mistakes are mine, and I have to live with them. There's no one else that can fix me; It's shit of get off the pot.

I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. There's no stopping that. I can do as much as possible to prevent some of them, but they will happen, and I must live with the consequences.

If I spend more than I can afford to, dig myself into a whole, finding myself broke, on the verge of bankruptcy, then that is my cross to bear. I can't pray for a reprieve my my creditors, nor another loan to just "get by". Nor can I sit idle, waiting for a miracle from above to save my scrawny ass. Fix it myself, or quit bitching. Those are my only choices.

If I hurt those I care about the most, then the backlash from my actions is my punishment. If I had thought long enough before I took action, there would have been no pain. If I had done everything I could to show those I love what they truly mean to me, then there would be no question that my actions were never meant to be malicious, and were just a stupid mistake. But when my actions cost me that which I hold so dear, then there is no one to blame but me, and I must accept the blame, grow, and walk on. Hiding in the shadows, hoping for magic pixies to fix it for me, will only leave me weak and empty.

I can't hide any more. I can't sit on my ass and pray for a better wave to ride in life. I'm slowly killing myself with apathy, and there's no time for that in a good life.

Time to pick my ass up, and do my best. Always. There's no excuse for anything less.





Time to get busy walking, or get busy dying.

- Kenny G

My Final Post.

There's something deeply and fundamentally fucked up with me.

I think I'm making a joke, I end up hurting the people I care about.

I use one word in a reference that truly has little to do with what I'm talking about, and it ends up tearing an entire friendship apart in seconds.

I can't speak without making others mad and upset. No matter how hard I try, I can't get it right.

If I can't speak without doing harm, there's no point in ever speaking. So it's time for me to stop speaking, for good. It's what's best.

I'm done.

- Kenny G.

Ya hoooo....oly sh*t... what the hell is wrong here????

All I can say is.... WHAT THE FUCK YAHOO!?!?!?!

Kiss my white ass... you pricks.... (if you can't read the pic... download.... or email me....)

- Kenny G.

The dawning of a new stretch of 24 hour periods.

So... It's official... Barrack Obama will be the next President of the United States of America. It was a hard fought race, but in the end, it was a sound victory for the Illinois senator.

Hurrah.

That's it. That's all I've got. No resounding cheers of jubilation, no insane dances of glee. I'm not exactly filled with all the warm and fuzzies that many others, including many of my friends, seem to have a boundless supply of. But I am trying to share in their Hope.

Nor am I filled with disgust, outrage, or fear. I wasn't out there, rallying for John McCain, doing my best to spread a mistrust about Barrack Obama. I have no true emotion over his race, as I have no inborn qualm with any ones race. I have no deep seated hatred, or dread. Though I do share some wary feeling for our future.

No, over all, I just don't care one way or the other in the wake of this election. This country has fallen so far over so many years, it's hard for me to give any vague semblance of a rat's ass anymore. We've been quite viciously fucked from so many angles for so long, apathy is all I have left to share.

I will say this:

"Dear President Elect Obama,

Please, Just Don't Fuck Things Up Any Worse.

Sincerely,

Kenny G."

That's all I pray for any more.

Now, I'm going back to my reading.... Go away!!!

- Kenny G.

Reports of my death are, sadly, quite exagerated.

I done didn't die and stuff...

I've just had a lot on my plate, and too little time/will/energy/inspiration to make new and excit-ulating posts.

It's not that I don't love posting here, it's just not a creative high point for me right now....

I know, I know... excuses excuses...

I do make to occasional posts on my funny or die page... I know... I'm a post slut...

What can I say... even the things I enjoy most are suffering now-a-days... I don't know... quit asking...

By the way, here's a completely unrelated funny picture:

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! DUCK FARTS!! VOTE YODA 08!!

Send help soon...

- Kenny G.

Never underestimate the power of Coffee.

(That's strange... why was this just a draft... and not a post..??)

It's morning. I'm awake. Don't know quite why.



My head hurts, but then again... when doesn't it?



Now, my ass hurting, that would be strange.



But my ass is fine, and the coffee is hot.



Ahhh... coffee.....



The reason for my AM survival.



I owe you more than you will ever know....



Sweet roasted beans, ground, and moistened....



The pungent liquid you leave behind as the water runs through you.....



I love you, oh sweet nectar of the God's....



My heart shall forever be yo... WTF??? My mug's empty!!!



DAMN&T!!! SH*T, F#CK, MOTHER G*D F%CKING DAMN&T!!!



I gotta go refill................................................................................................ I'm back....



*SIP*



Oh, heavenly nectar of life.......



I love coffee.....



- Kenny G.