The Joy Of Sex.... wait, that wasn't sex, it was a 301 game...

Well, we finally did it... we won last night... a close match, but a definite victory for "Just Here For the Beer", against our dear friends, the "Buckin' A's", the other Bucks team...

10-9 was the final score, but it was far greater of a night than the final score eludes to. All cylinders were firing exactly as we needed them to, to finally net us that elusive "W" we've been hunting for all season.

Let me introduce you to the team:

Jesse: Our sharp shooter, AKA: our "Excitement". When Jess is on, there's few who can take him on the dart board. Not only is he our strongest shooter, his strength keeps the team enthusiastic all match long.

Janelle: A bit of a mystery as far as her nightly production on the board, she more than compensates for any "off" nights with the energy she brings to the team. She's the loud cheerleader, spurring the team onwards every match.

Sue: The most veteran of all my teammates, Sue has been with the Buck's dart program since day 1. She never misses a night, no matter what happens (except for that one night, but surgery is the best excuse there is)... Even though she's not our strongest, her consistency brings much needed stability and comfort to the team. That imaginary "A" on her imaginary jersey would be sorely missed should she ever need a night off.

Jon: Not only is he Sue's husband, a former cheerleader, and the buyer of far too many shots, Jon helps keep the team focused and grounded. Though he can be the biggest fire cracker on the team when angered, he always keeps an even keel about him through the night. Victory or defeat, he never lets the outcome rattle him, and that calmness helps the rest of us stay focused.

Dave: The backbone of our team, and a source of far more dart prowess than he even realizes. Dave is our inspiration many nights, and a source of confidence to his teammates. When he's in his groove, he can tear damn near any opponent apart, and he's an awesome partner in cricket matches. He always say "If I can do it, anyone can..." and while that's a running joke, it rings true for our team, because, when Dave's on, he gives all of us the confidence to get on as well.

And, of course...

Kenny G.: Me, the captain. My job is to bring the team through with leadership, and tenacity. I see it every week, when I'm pissed off and bringing myself down, I bring us all down. When I stay calm and determined, the team is right there with me, ready to win. I owe them my best every week, so they follow suit, bringing their best as well....

And last night, we won... as a team... (and, for me personally, I smoked my opponent in 301... he had 115 left... :-) )

To quote our nightly cheer...

"MORE BEER!"

- Kenny G.

It's on like my pants (Now that is a miracle..)

OK, I bit off a big one this time...

There currently is a wager between makinitdrizzle and myself, on Funny Or Die , in the form of a 1 week "commented on" race. In one week, the winner gets to put 10 "You Suck's" on the loser's profile....

I'm a little behind, but I gotta keep the faith...

Let's see how this all plays out y'all....



- Kenny G.

Story Time!!! Get yur warm milk, cookies, and Prozac...

{To the theme of "The Beverly Hillbillies"}

Here's a little story about Kenny G.

A FOD captioneer void of abilty

So one day he was sitting at his desk

Till he realized, he couldn't find a rhyme for desk...

Asinine, this is....

So, there he sat, staring vacantly at his monitor, desperately awaiting some form of inspiration, a visit from his muse if you will. Tirelessly, he waited, drinking absurd quantities of coffee, tapping randomly on his dust-caked keyboard, yeilding nothing but frustration and hand cramps.

Then, as if the spark of the Divine itself had settled on his shoulders, it came to him...

"I can write a story, using all the goofy ass pictures I've found..."

Thus, into the land of FOD was birthed...

Kenny G. - A Retrospective.

Kenny G., an office manger for a computer repair company, was used to dealing with situations that were less than pleasant

He occasionally was unsure how best to handle situations that he faced, as the signs were slightly unclear at moments....

But he hardly let it phase him, as his true focus was his personal life, what with his stellar charisma with the ladies...

His vast fortune....

And his awesome vehicle....

He knew better days were yet to come....

Though he missed those who had left him in the past....

He knew he'd soon meet others to be near to...

And his true strengths would shine through...

........ unless he met one of those, that is....

The End....

- Kenny G.

It's not Good Bye, It's Fair-Well...

It's hard to let go of the ones you care the most about. It's not because you expect them to never go, because that would just be foolish. People pass away, they move far away for a better opportunity, sometimes, things just change, and you both move on. But, in someway, everyone will eventually need to let go of the one's they love most.

Truth is, the hardest part is that, it's not until they've gone away that you can truly see the whole picture of what they mean to you. The one downside to being truly close to someone, is how narrow the view is. It's like taking a picture zoomed all the way in. The shot may be phenomenal, but you still miss so much of what's around your subject.

When your nearest and dearest go away, you start to see the things you never realized before... The lessons that they've taught you... The times you thought about them and didn't even realize it... The way just sitting side by side, not speaking a word, impacted you. You see it now, when that chair beside you is empty.

But, if the bonds you share are true, nothing can break them... not a fight, not 600 miles, not even death itself.

Check this out: http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm

There's little else to say, even though I'm scared to death right now. It's time to put the "Big Boy Pants" on now, and not be afraid....

*I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass over and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.*
- From "Dune", by Frank Herbert

I'm going to miss you Steve O. and Gail O. (GLO for short....)... May nothing but the best of fortunes find you in South Carolina.....

Right Steve O.?

Love you too bro...

- Kenny G.

Myshame: A social loathing network...

I'd try and be witty here..... But this speaks for itself....

Kenny: Karaoke Fun

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

God save us when I secrete my next "good idea"...

- Kenny G.

This was too good not to copy/paste... If only I could work pick-up lines the same way...

My friend Laurie on Funny or Die posted this on her blog....

I sharted a little from laughter.... and I claim to be a Republicn (sorta)...

Swing by her blog and thank her for finding this gem....

- Kenny G.

"Smell" Tech Support: The jockstrap of IT assistance

Let me regale you with a few choice snippets from my recent encounter with a certain large computer manufacturer's technical assistance department... IE: Tech Support...

For the sake of protecting the innocent/the stupid/my ass... Let's just call my "agent" ... "Frank"... (ALL SENSITIVE DATA HAS BEEN CHANGED/REMOVED)

(Line for line what he wrote... no edits)

Frank: "...did the problem you had the other time was the company name were product was register under?"

Me: "Um... I'm not clear on what you are asking me...."

Frank: "ok".....

I seriously had to wait a while to get clarification... And it wound up being this...

Frank: "well, can you explain to me why didn't the other agent send the......"

Here, I copied about 15 lines of text from OUR LAST CHAT SESSION... 3 weeks ago....

Then...

Frank: "the reason I'm asking this is because it seems like we had the same problem? have you been contact by "Smell" during does 10-15 business days?"

Finally fed up... I wrote...

Me: "No... That's why I'm in this session now... I have not heard anything at all... and it has been 3 full weeks now...."

Mind you... at the very start, I said:

Me: "I need to know the status of a service issue. "session ID for this incident is..."

Followed immediately by:

Me: "3 weeks ago, we were told we had to have (random red tape resolved), so that we could get this (random device) repaired. We have had no further messages regarding this..."

....... It was like being on a Merry-Go-Round... for nearly 2 hours!!!

............... But I won!!!! I are a Fountain Of Greatness.....

YAY!! AWSUM I R!!!

- Kenny G.

Fed-UPS, mishandling your package since 1992!!

So, the new era of workdom has begun. Steve O. has left the building for good (he hopes), and the new pup, Johnny, has stepped in to fill the relatively misshapen shoes left unfilled...

And somehow, he's surviving...


It's gonna be a bit of a change around here, what with my little Stevey-shaped safety net all not here and shit... but, life goes on, the sun will come out tomorrow, and Red Bull gives you wings...


On a funny/fucking annoying note... Phuck PhedEx!!... no, scratch that, FUCK the vendor who doesn't know where to ship our shit to....


I don't have fun trying to find a FedEx shipping hub, in the rain, when I should be just barely getting ready to leave for work... Gas is too damned expensive, my truck blows, so these "before-work-charity-drives" all over God's grey Earth are for the birds... and I am pretty sure I ended up flipping a few this morning...


Worst of all, I lost out on a bet I had with Steve O...... by 3 FUCKING MINUTES!!!!!!

(Not a picture of me...)

Hurray for employment.....

- Kenny G.

Happy F*#king Birthday to Me....

Yup... Sunday was my Birthday.... I think.....

You see, a small group of people who claim to be my friends proceeded to get me so shitfaced Saturday night, there really wasn't much of a Sunday for me... I was comatose for most of it (Slept till 3:30 PM... went to bed before 10:00 PM.... the "awake" parts were pretty fuzzy...)

That's pretty much the recap... Sad but true... I'm getting old now...

Where's my AARP card!!!

- Kenny G.

Ahhhh.... My kinda people...

Sit back, relax, and enjoy...

glumbert - Bad Day at the Office

I feel their pain... And their techno-annihilation lust.- Kenny G.